MY THREE KIDS
Friday, June 19, 2009 at 12:00PM 
I rarely write about my kids. It's not intentional, it's just living with the joys and horrors that come with foster-care adoption can be overwhelmingly stifling. Day to day survival usually trumps the ability to look back and wonder aloud.
Today I wonder aloud.
It's been 2 plus years since Diane and I blindly let three kids into our lives. Beyond the residual effects of multiple forms of abuse
and Di and I having no idea what we're gonna do with three little kids, it's going well.
Adoption in any form forces relationship. It will cause you to lose your sense of self in lieu of letting others live. You don't count on that... it's just what happens.
Mia, Angel and Z had the crap kicked out of 'em early and built a myriad of survival tactics that kept them relatively sane while protecting them from more abuse where ever possible. They had no shot at the small things we take for granted. Daily food, human touch, loving physical contact or even the ability to just cry when hurt without duct tape being a factor in how you stop the noise of a crying child. Think about it... let that image wash over you as it has with us. Don't let that make you mad, let it be the wind that pushes you to act on the behalf of children.
From food hoarding, kleptomania, attachment disorders, sensory processing disorder, telling us to screw and peeing in strange places, we are no longer virgins to the hurt child. We understand broken children so well at this point that mercy has become an action that resides in our house daily. Finally, after years of having faith in God I now get glimpses of what it must be like for God the Father to deal with me. It's humbling to say the least. My children hold the very power of God in their sometimes crazy behavior.
On arrival our kids didn't have the ability to love, play, imagine or even trick-or-treat. They could only be afraid. We had no idea. Di and I did the best we could early on. We just didn't know that fear drove every action every minute of every day. Imagine being 2, 3 or 7 years old and the only emotion your sure of is fear. It must be the most damning of cages created by the sin of man. That one thought sends me to tears almost every day.
Love never comes easy as you open doors for others. I'm convinced God blinded us to their reality. If they came with a break down on how hard it would be to love these beat and broken children we woulda run... I'm not kidding, we woulda run! The sheer onslaught of behavioral and emotional crazy would drive anyone the other way. It's no wonder there are a half million kids in the system, no one wants someone else's problems. We ain't rock stars, we were just open to being blinded by the power of God's love.
Di had the best quote about three months into our new found relationships, "When will we start liking them?" For biological parents that might seem like an impossible and cold hearted thought, but adoption ain't always rainbows and puppy dogs. In the end you adopt to save lives, you don't adopt to be the Cleavers. Hopefully Cleaverness comes, but for God's sake you can't count on it right away, you just love the fear away first.
Most think our situation is cute and happy and so freaking wonderful. It is...but there is a very present reality in our house. It fills our lives at times, it takes away breath and drives you to your knees like the best of hangovers. It's fear; so deep and thick that it's constantly saying, "You're never gonna be alright, ever." It consumes itself in selfishness and generates when we walk away from children at the earliest of development stages. It's evil at the core and contorts and destabilizes lives for the long haul.
What's the hope in our house? The hope is that you stop living for yourself and pick up one or two, or even three of these beautifully broken gems and love the fear out of 'em. And in the process realize God has adopted you through Christ in the same way. I wanted nothing to do with God as He called me, adopted me into His love, mercy and grace. My kids are me and I am them. We like them now, btw, in fact love them so much it hurts at times.
This morning my youngest Z came into my room, pressed his cheek up against my cheek as I lay half asleep and said, "I love you daddy." It may be an every day occurrence for some but in my house sentences like that are the very voice of God beating out the fear.
Reader Comments (15)
J.R. that, my friend, was the most moving blog post I've ever read. There's always been a special place in my heart for adoption and adopting parents are the highest form of heroes in my book!
Thank you for that, bro!
incredible- simply incredible. I can only imagine what these three will go on to do in the name of God. Thank you for apprehending them from the only world they knew: pain.
May God continue to give you abundant provision and blessing.
Awesome post JR.
The best you've ever written.
JR
I just wanted to hug your kids and cry with them. I know some of how they feel. Tears streamed down my face as I thought about how blessed Mia, Angel and Z are, they have two amazing people loving them through their pain and fear.
My biological parents tried to understand but by the time they figured out how bad things were I was already in high school and had missed out on the chance of a "normal" childhood.
My heart and my mind are still healing from all of the pain and fear that crept into my world when I was 5. Life is so fragile and so often taken for granted especially young life. The healing process (as I am sure you know) is long and hard, but not impossible to overcome.
Thank you so much for posting about your kids. Mia, Angel and Z will have such awesome testimonies.
That was beautiful. Thanks for your straightforwardness.
Wow JR... that is powerfully said. The image of adoption in the Bible is pretty prevalent and powerful... and your post and experience grounds it in the dirtiness of realty.
Thanks!
good post. zz is the man. look forward to the next blog post.
beautiful J.R....thanks for giving us a peek at your life.
Happy Fathers Day Brother
So filled with the joy of you Di and my Grandchildren
"It's no wonder there are a half million kids in the system, no one wants someone else's problems. We ain't rock stars, we were just open to being blinded by the power of God's love. " QUOTE
Happy Father's Day. Keep us in your prayers as we embark on becoming parents to these children.
"The hope is that you stop living for yourself and pick up one or two, or even three of these beautifully broken gems and love the fear out of 'em. And in the process realize God has adopted you through Christ in the same way. I wanted nothing to do with God as He called me, adopted me into His love, mercy and grace. My kids are me and I am them. We like them now, btw, in fact love them so much it hurts at times." QUOTE
Amen.
Bless you JR.
I am adopted, but used to wish I could have been re-adopted..it was an abusive home. I now cherish and love the crap out of my biological children(7 of them). Thank you for a wonderful post...truly made me weep. So glad those hurting kids got your home....My kids yes, say I love you very easily....but it still amazes me that messed up kids (like me)can grow up to know a loving Savior and raise non-messed up kids.....What an awesome God we serve. You have have helped stop a cycle for 3 lives---Praise God!
Awesome, bro. I'm gonna post a paragraph or two and a linkback to this post. Thanks for sharing, my friend.
"wheres the tissues?" I really appreciated you sharing a piece of your familly, very power words there. God is good, Indeed!
I remember that very special day when you received a phone call from your wife letting you know about these three wonderful little people...